The Abyss of your Eyes

The deep bleak abyss… I’ve for so many years wandered through…
… while glancing the path outlined by the rough hills without remaining strength to get out of the heavy rubble mountain in which I had buried myself… out of breath… without reason to glance at the stars again…

A weak flame started burning inside… the longing for my being delighted by staring at the greenland which rose far beyond the abyss…
I stood up still taking a look at the rough cliffs. Bleeding pieces of my broken heart were scattered around the dusty surface. I picked them one by one carefully, cuddle them softly and held them tight while shedding over its red paleness my desperate tears, which I had for so many years restrained during all the time I’ve laid motionless without even daring to breath…
…one step to my redemption…

Just one word was enough to take me out of there… just one thought to feel the tickling of my dead blood waking up from its everlasting sleep… just one confession to set my soul free, just one look into his eyes to heal the deep state of melancholy despair in which I’ve been struggling to survive… just one night… to find the one who was going to save me…

I still recall the past and recover disjointed images of that holy night... and still I can’t believe what is happening to me… I still close my eyes and imagine your charming smile wondering myself when will I take delight of its glow again… I still think of you when I’m falling asleep while inhaling the pleasant smell that you left in my sheets while whispering “I love you”… I still feel the warmth of your icy lips in the underground, and how the world seemed to be crumbling down in that single moment… I still remember the times when fear possessed me and made me believe that my dream couldn’t just be turning real…

And I still think it can’t be true… not in a world full of cruelty and sarcasm.

I sink in your writtings once again and feel how that overwhelming loneliness had been shared for so long… how the sceptic past had gone by… how we had kept on hiding in the shadows without being aware of each other’s existence, and above all, how would it be if you were leant on me right now, embracing me, how fast my heart would beat, and in how many dreams we would fall and fly through when closing our eyes the one next to the other…
… And waking up… and feeling your breath blowing lightly on my cheeks once more, and listening to your quivering pulse coming back to life again, to reality, a reality that you turned into the most delightful reverie…
The ridiculous power of my mind is far too weak to silent the mighty scream locked in my soul. It shouts for passion, fullfillment and satisfaction. It screams for seeing you again, for tearing out all those hidden thoughts that you never dared to share before, it screams because it doesn’t have to run away from incomprehension anymore, because it has finally found its place in your embrace… it cries of pain because there is where it would stay forever… it screams and twists over and over again… and breath deeply…

Past, present and future are suddenly frozen in one single second of held air, forging a fragile tear which reveals the origin of feelings…

I close my eyes and fall from the depths into the aether, going into raptures over the sweetened damnation… getting lost in the new abyss about to explore…

… the greyish abyss of your trembling eyes.




"Falling into the Abyss" [Fragment]
In: Reise zur Innerlichkeit,
Datura Stramonium.